Paranormal Magic: Year 1
by Kotawings
Summary: Dib, Gaz and Zim go to Hogwarts!  Let's just pretend that Gaz is Dib's age for this story, ok? Takes place during The Sorcerer's Stone. Rated T for violence and mild language. Temporarily on hold, will continue at a later date.
1. Annoying Owls

A/N: Well, I suppose it's time to begin a magical journey into the world of Harry Potter… Let's hope Zim, Dib and Gaz don't mess everything up! Also, I know that Gaz is younger than Dib, but let's just pretend that she's the same age for the sake of the story, mmk?

~!#$%^&*(

3rd Person

Dib awoke to an owl banging on his bedroom window.

"Ugh, wha?" he asked drowsily. Dib sat up and opened his window, intending to shoo the bird away. Instead, the owl flew in and landed on his bed.

"Hey! Just what do you think you're doing? Shoo! Get out!"

The owl ignored Dib and held its leg out. Attached to its leg was a piece of paper. Curious, Dib took it off. As soon as the paper had been removed from its leg, the owl flew off.

"That was weird," Dib said, watching the owl fly away.

"GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!"

Dib ran across the hall and into Gaz's room. Gaz was busy chasing her own owl around with a baseball bat while her security stuffed animals desperately tried to help.

"Gaz! Stop!"

"Why should I?" Gaz asked, taking another swing at the owl.

"An owl just flew into my room, too! It gave me a piece of paper and flew off. Maybe this owl is trying to do the same!"

Gaz took one last swing but put the bat down afterwards. She snapped her fingers to shut her toys off. "Alright, come here you stupid bird," she said nastily.

The owl landed on her arm and held its leg out. Gaz detached the piece of paper and shooed the bird away.

"Well, I guess we might as well read 'em," Dib said, beginning to unfold his piece of paper.

~!#$%^&*(

Meanwhile, Zim was having owl problems as well.

"Filthy beast! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE OF ZIM!"

Zim was currently chasing the owl all over his base with Gir racing behind him, screeching. Eventually, the owl found a safe place to land and held its leg out, trying vainly to give Zim his letter.

"Masta! The owl has a piece a paper!"

"Eh?" Zim asked, looking at the owl.

The owl waved its leg at Zim impatiently. Reluctantly, Zim took the letter and watched the owl fly off.

"Be gone with yoooooou!" Zim yelled at the owl, shaking his fist.

"Are you gonna open it?" Gir asked excitedly.

"I suppose so," Zim said, opening the letter.

All three of them received the same letter with various differences.

_Hogwarts School_

_of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore_

_Dear Zim _(Dib, Gaz)

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. _

_Term Begins on September 1._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall,_

_Deputy Headmistress_

"Magic?" Dib asked, awed.

"Phfft, lame," Gaz said, crumpling up her letter and tossing it into a trash can.

"Gaz, don't throw that away!" Dib yelled, taking the letter out of the trash.

"Why? Magic is stupid," Gaz said, turning to face her brother, hands crossed over her chest. "Need I mention the curse of the Shadowhog?"

Dib winced at the disgusting memory. "Yeah, but wouldn't you like learning about how to curse someone all by yourself?" he asked, getting slightly desperate.

Gaz actually looked interested for once. "Hmm, it _would_ be fun to curse people…"

"Come on, Gaz. If you don't like it, you can always come back home. And this way, you wouldn't have to go to public school!"

"Fine, I GUESS I'll try it. But that doesn't mean I'll stay."

"Yes!" Dib said, doing a fist pump.

~!#$%^&

"A school for magic?" Zim asked, curious. "Computer, tell me everything you know about this, so called, magic."

"Magic, noun. The art of producing a desired effect or result through the use of incantation or various other techniques that presumably assure human control of supernatural agencies or the forces of nature."

"Hmm, interesting. Perhaps if I can learn to control this, magic, I will be able to defeat the Dib human!"

"Can I goes, too?" Gir asked.

Zim considered. It may be handy to have Gir with him, but would Gir be allowed? Maybe he could get answers from the second part of the letter.

**UNIFORM**

First-year students will require:

Three sets of plain work robes (black)

One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear

One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)

One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)

**COURSE BOOKS**

All students should have a copy of each of the following:

_The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)_

By Miranda Goshawk

_A History of Magic_

By Bathilda Bagshot

_Magical Theory_

By Adalbert Waffling

_A Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration_

By Emeric Switch

_One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_

By Phyillida Spore

_Magical Drafts and Potions_

By Arsenius Jigger

_Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_

By Newt Scamander

_The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection_

By Quentin Trimble

**OTHER EQUIPEMENT**

1 wand

1 pewter cauldron

1 set glass or crystal phials

1 set brass scales

Students may also bring an owl, cat OR toad.

PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST-YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS

"Hmm, dogs aren't allowed, Gir," Zim said.

"Aww…" Gir said sadly.

"But perhaps we can disguise you differently!" Zim exclaimed. "Do you still have the cat costume I made you after we got rid of Tak?"

"Uh huh!" Gir said excitedly. "I'll go get it!"

Gir ran off and came back a few minutes later dressed in his cat costume.

"Ingenious!" Zim exclaimed. He scanned over the list again. "But, how are we going to get these things?" Zim asked. "I've never seen any of these in regular human stores! Computer, research solutions!"

"It seems that Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry is located in England, which is an entirely different country, Zim. I suggest you start looking there."

"Hmm, very well then! Gir! Pack anything you think you'll need and meet me in the hangar in thirty minutes. We're going on a trip."

"Yay!" Gir raced off to pack his rubber pig and stuffed moose.

~!#$%^&*()_

"Wow, I've never seen any of this stuff anywhere," Dib said, looking over the supplies list. "And how are we supposed to know where the school is?"

"I can help with that!" a voice squeaked.

Dib and Gaz spun around to see who had spoken. Standing before them was a tiny, wrinkled creature.

"Who are you?" Dib asked.

"I'm Sasha, a house elf!"

"What's a house elf?" Dib asked.

"House elves are creatures made to serve our masters!" Sasha said happily.

"So, you're… slaves?" Dib asked, disgusted.

"No, no! House elves are very happy doing work! We are treated well, or at least, we are at Hogwarts!"

"Oh, ok then," Dib said with a shrug. "So, are you here to help us?"

"Yes! Sasha is here to help!" Sasha said, jumping up and down excitedly. "Grab Sasha's hands, please!"

Dib and Gaz did as they were told and moments later they apparated into The Leaky Cauldron.

"Whoa…" Dib said, wobbling around, holding his stomach.

"Whiner," Gaz said. Although she too, was holding her stomach.

"Come with Sasha!" Sasha said, leading the siblings into an alley out back. She tapped several bricks with her finger and the wall began to shift. Dib and even Gaz watched, amazed.

"Welcome to Diagon Alley!" Sasha squeaked. "Come, we need to go to Gringotts and exchange your Muggle money for wizard money!"

"Muggle?" Dib asked, still looking around at everything.

"Non-magical humans," Sasha explained. "You DO have money with you, right?"

"Oh yeah," Dib said. "Dad always makes sure we have plenty of money with us."

"Good!" Sasha said, leading them into the bank. "Right over here!"

"Ah," a goblin began, staring down at the two children. "A couple muggle-borns, I see. Here to exchange your money?"

"Yep!" Sasha said, pushing Dib forward. "Go ahead! Give him your money!"

Dib pulled out a stack of bills from his pocket and handed them to the goblin. The goblin handed him a pouch filled with gallions, sickles and knuts. Gaz went up after Dib and did the same.

"Come now!" Sasha said, heading toward the exit. "Let's go and get your things!"

~!#$%^&*(

Zim wasn't having nearly as much luck as Dib and Gaz were having.

"Oh, these stinking humans! They never make anything clear!"

"I know what you mean," Gir said, patting Zim's hand sympathetically.

"Looking for something?"

Zim spun around to see a house elf standing right behind him.

"Wha? Who are you?" Zim demanded.

"My name is Speenk! Do you need help getting things for Hogwarts?"

"Uh, yes, actually, I do. How did you know, pitiful creature?" Zim asked, suspicious.

"Magic!" Speenk said happily. "Come on, Speenk will help you get your things!"

~!#$%^&*(

Somehow Zim managed to avoid Dib and Gaz the entire time they were at Diagon Alley. They never once saw each other. Which made the train ride to Hogwarts quite interesting.

"Here you are! Platform 9 ¾! This is where Sasha leaves you!" Sasha said, waving at the siblings.

"Thanks for helping us, Sasha!" Dib said, waving back.

Gaz grunted in thanks.

Sasha gave them one more smile and apparated back to Hogwarts.

"Well, I guess we'd better get on the train then, huh Gaz?" Dib said, beginning to walk over to the train.

"I guess so," Gaz said, following her older brother.

"DIB?"

Dib spun around at the familiar voice.

Zim was stalking over, Gir in tow.

"How dare you follow the almighty ZIM?" Zim demanded.

"What do you mean? I haven't seen you since you last tried to take over the world! What are you doing here?" Dib asked, baffled.

"Zim is going to this school of magic!" Zim said, smug.

"Well, so are Gaz and I. And to think, I thought I was going to be able to learn how to defeat you…"

Zim began to pitch a fit, declaring that everything was unfair and how he was supposed to be able to defeat Dib with magic.

"Well, if you don't want to come, just go home," Dib said, boarding the train.

"Never! If you are going to learn about magic, then so is Zim!"

"Ugh…" Gaz said, rolling her eyes.

"All aboard!"

Zim hurried to board the train after Dib and Gaz. Once on board, the enemies made a face at each other and went in separate directions.

Dib and Gaz tried to find empty seats but were unable to. The same went for Zim.

Gaz grew tired of Dib's company and left when he wasn't looking.

"Gaz? Where did you…"

"Are you looking for someone?"

Dib looked to his right and saw that it was a girl who had spoken. Her hair was nearly white and she had pale blue eyes.

"Uh, yeah. My sister, Gaz. She has purple hair, you haven't seen her, have you?"

"Hmm, I don't believe so, otherwise I think I would have remembered. Would you like some help looking for her?"

"That'd be great, thanks." Dib said, beginning to walk.

"Ok, my name is Luna, by the way. What's yours?"

"Dib," Dib said, still looking around.

"That's a nice name."

"Heh, thanks. I like yours, too."

~!#$%^&*

After Gaz had ditched Dib she ran into some trouble.

As she had been passing a particularly large group of kids, someone had taken an interest in her.

"Why hello there," a fair haired boy said, standing.

Gaz stopped, sighing. Boys.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"Only to ask what your name is," the boy said, stepping forward. "Allow me to introduce myself, I am Draco Malfoy."

Gaz raised an eyebrow. Apparently this Draco kid thought he was hot stuff. "I'm Gaz," she said simply.

"What an interesting name," Draco commented. "Would you like to sit with us?" he gestured to an empty seat next to his.

Gaz almost declined. But there was something about Draco that drew her to him. She couldn't quite put a finger on it, though.

She shrugged. "Sure, I don't see why not."

~!#$%^&*()

A/N: Yay, first chapter completed! Oh, snap, Gaz and Malfoy… Dib had better look out!


	2. The Sorting Hat

A/N: Let's sort our three Zim characters, shall we?

~!#$%^&*

3rd Person

"Firs' years, o'er here! Firs' years!"

Gaz was still with Malfoy and his group. She was actually enjoying herself. Malfoy and his gang weren't half bad, to Gaz at least.

Dib and Luna were still searching for Gaz. They had only stopped to change into their robes.

"Man, I hope she's alright!" Dib said fretfully.

"Oh, I'm sure she'll be fine. She seems like a very capable girl, from what you've told me about her. Shall we head over to the boats? She might be there already."

"Yeah, I guess," Dib said, looking glum.

"Cheer up, we'll find her!"

Dib and Luna joined the rest of the first years that were gathering around Hagrid, still searching for any sign of Gaz.

"Hello, Dib-stink. Looking for someone?"

Dib turned around at the sound of Zim's voice and gave him a glare.

"Oh, hello. What's your name?" Luna asked.

"None of your business, pitiful human!" Zim replied.

Luna said nothing, she seemed to be unaffected.

"Zim, be nice to Luna, gosh."

Zim stuck his tongue out and left.

"He seemed nice," Luna commented.

Before Dib could correct her, Hagrid told all the first years to pile in the boats.

"No more than four to a boat!"

Dib and Luna hopped into a random boat with two other kids who looked out of place.

"Look! I think that's your sister, there!" Luna said, pointing.

Sure enough, Gaz was just visible a few boats down. She looked perfectly fine, so Dib decided to leave her.

"At least I know she's safe," he said to himself. "Thanks for helping me, Luna."

"My pleasure!" Luna said happily.

"Alright, push off!" Hagrid called.

Dib was at the back of the boat so he was the one pushing them off. He hopped in as soon as the boat was afloat.

"This is nice," Dib commented. "It's peaceful."

Zim, on the other hand, was freaking out.

_I'M SURROUNDED BY WATER! WHY? WHY WHY WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE WATER? STUPID HUMANS AND THEIR OBSESSION WITH WATER!_

The other three kids in the boat watched Zim with confused looks. Why was the little green kid freaking out?

Gaz was in the boat right next to Zim and she couldn't help but laugh. _Stupid Zim and his fear of water._

"What's so funny?" Draco asked, trying to figure out what she was looking at.

"You see that green kid?" Gaz said, pointing to Zim. "I know him, and he's terrified of water, so I find his situation pretty funny."

Draco smirked. "That is pretty funny. Oh, look, here we are."

The boats landed and the first years hopped out. Zim was incredibly relieved to be back on solid ground.

"Come on, kids, into the school!" Hagrid called.

The first years ran into Hogwarts, teeming with excitement.

Once everyone was all settled, Professor McGonagall explained about the Hogwarts houses. As soon as she left the room, the kids began to talk again.

"So," Draco said, turning to Gaz, "I'm assuming you're expecting to get sorted into Slytherin?"

Gaz had no idea. So she just played along. "Yep," she said.

"Good, that's where all the good witches and wizards are sorted."

"Look, it's Harry Potter!" someone whispered.

Draco raised an eyebrow and went to inspect the situation.

"So, the rumors are true, Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts," Draco said, now standing in front of a kid with messy black hair and glasses. Gaz didn't catch the rest of the conversation because of all the murmuring kids, but a few moments later Draco came stalking back.

"What happened?" Blaise Zabini asked.

"Let's just say that I'm not particularly fond of Mr. Potter," Draco said, sending a nasty look Harry's way.

Professor McGonagall came back just then and motioned for the kids to follow her.

Gaz spotted Dib just as they were entering the Great Hall. He seemed to be talking quietly to a girl. Well, that was a first. Although, Gaz supposed that her situation was a first as well.

As they made their way to the front of the room, Gaz saw a tatty, old wizard hat sitting on a stool. Some of the first years has already gathered around it.

_Oh, boy! I get to put that nasty old hat on my head!_ Gaz thought to herself.

After all the first years were gathered around the Sorting Hat, it began to sing. Gaz zoned out until everyone was applauding so she didn't have to listen to the stupid thing.

_Finally._

Professor McGonagall began to read off names. Gaz didn't pay any attention until she heard a familiar name.

"Irken, Zim."

_Wow, Zim was incredibly creative with his last name_, Gaz thought as she rolled her eyes.

Zim went up and jammed the Sorting Hat on his head. After a few moments, the Sorting Hat declared…

"Slytherin!"

Gaz mentally facepalmed. What if she was sorted into Slytherin? From what she could tell, that was the house most of the other kids had assumed she's be sorted into. Then she'd have to deal with Zim and his antics on a daily basis.

Gaz zoned out for another minute until Draco's name was called.

"Malfoy, Draco."

Draco sauntered up to the Sorting Hat and put it on his head. It had just barely touched his head when it exclaimed…

"Slytherin!"

Draco, who didn't look surprised at all, set the hat down and went to the table at the farthest end of the hall.

"Membrane, Dib!"

Dib jumped a little as he heard his name called. Luna had already been sorted. Now she sat at the Ravenclaw table, giving him a little wave.

Dib sat on the stool and placed the Sorting Hat on his head. He could hear all of the Hat's thoughts.

_Hmm. You're incredibly smart, young man. Brave too. So… Which will it be… Gryffindor or Ravenclaw?_

Was the hat asking him? Well, if so…

"Ravenclaw," Dib murmured. "So I can be with my friend."

_Well then, guess it'd better be…_

"Ravenclaw!"

Dib took off the Sorting Hat and ran to the Ravenclaw table, elated. He sat down next to Luna.

"I knew you'd be sorted into Ravenclaw, you know," she said, glancing at him.

Dib had already learned not to question some of the things Luna had said. It didn't matter to him, anyway.

"Look, your sister is next," Luna said, pointing.

Dib immediately tensed. Gaz was so much different from him that the chances were incredibly slim that they'd be in the same house.

"Membrane, Gazelene!

Gaz calmly walked up to the Sorting Hat and placed it on her head. She waited patiently as it began to analyze her personality.

_Well, well. You ARE an evil little one, aren't you? You're smart, but I believe that your ambition out-weighs that. So, better be…_

"Slytherin!"

Gaz rolled her eyes. Of course. Now she'd have to deal with Zim's shenanigans. She walked over to the Slytherin table where she was greeted warmly by the friends she had made on the train ride. Draco moved over so she had room to sit.

Gaz caught Dib's eye from across the room. Dib seemed upset that they weren't in the same house.

_Sucks for him_, Gaz thought.

"Hey, is the boy that got sorted before you your brother?" Draco asked.

"Yeah, so?"

"No reason. Just wondering why he didn't get sorted into Slytherin as well. It doesn't happen very often."

"Potter, Harry!"

The entire room grew silent as Harry went up to get sorted. He seemed to take longer than the other kids. But finally, the Sorting Hat called out…

"Gryffindor!"

"WE GOT POTTER! WE GOT POTTER!" the Gryffindor table called out excitedly.

"Big deal," Draco said, glaring at the Gryffindors. "Potter's nothing special."

~!#$%^&*()

After the feast, Dib went with his fellow Ravenclaws to their common room. He was still feeling sick that Gaz had been sorted into Slytherin, of all houses.

Luna seemed to notice that he was worried. "Don't worry, Dib. Gaz was sorted into Slytherin because that's where she was meant to be. It doesn't make her a bad person."

"I guess so. But I don't like the looks of the rest of the kids in Slytherin, they look creepy."

"Your other friend was sorted into Slytherin," Luna said.

"Zim? He's not my friend! He's my enemy!" Dib exclaimed, horrified at the thought of Zim being his friend.

"Oh, my mistake," Luna said, apologizing. "He just seemed like a nice fellow, is all."

~!#$%^&*(

Gaz followed the Slytherins down into the dungeons to their common room. She was doing her best to stay as far away from Zim as possible.

They reached a blank wall and the prefect leading them spoke the password loudly so everyone could hear.

"Angelus Mortis."

The wall opened sideways to reveal an elegantly decorated room filled with carved furniture of all sorts.

"Remember the password, Slytherins," the prefect said. "Otherwise you'll wind up spending the night in the hall!"

Everyone laughed at the thought of spending the night in the hall.

Gaz walked into the dimly lit room and looked around. Even though the common room was located in the dank dungeons, it was actually pretty homey.

"Well, off to bed with you! The girl's dormitory is on the right, the boy's is on the left," the prefect said, gesturing to each room in turn. "Your things will be waiting for you by your respective beds."

Gaz headed to the girl's dormitory, exhausted. Zim, however, couldn't have been more awake.

Zim ran up to the boy's dormitory and looked through his things. Almost immediately, Gir popped out and hugged him.

"Hi!" He yelled.

"Gir, be quiet!" Zim scolded.

"Is that, _your_ cat?" asked the boy that Gaz had been hanging out with.

"Yes, he is," Zim said, turning to face Draco. "May I ask who you are?"

"I'm Draco, Draco Malfoy." Draco held out his hand and Zim reluctantly shook it. "Gaz mentioned that she knew you."

"We don't know each other very well, we just live in the same town," Zim explained.

"I see."

Zim, suddenly growing tired of the conversation, feigned sleepiness. "Well, I suppose we should get some sleep so we're ready for our classes tomorrow," he said with a fake yawn.

"Indeed," Draco said.

Zim hopped into his bed and pretended to fall asleep. Before too much longer, the other first years were asleep.

Zim was tempted to sneak back down into the common room, but decided against it. So instead, he just lay in bed, thinking.

He finally drifted off to sleep an hour later, dreaming about all the ways he'd be able to use magic against Dib.

~!#$%^&*()_

A/N: You know, Muggle borns don't get sorted into Slytherin. I wouldn't change that… So that must mean that Gaz is at LEAST a half-blood. Isn't it handy that we know nothing about Dib and Gaz's mom?


	3. DADA and the Library

A/N: Alright, I was picturing Dib in a wizard's robe and I couldn't help but think he'd look adorable! :3 Anyway…

~!#$%^&*

3rd Person

A beam of light cut through the darkness, awakening Gaz from her sleep.

"Ugh…"

Gaz slipped out of her bed and headed to the bathroom to get changed. After she had changed into her robe she picked up her book bag and wand and began the journey to the Great Hall for breakfast.

As she walked, Gaz closely examined her wand for the first time. It was ebony with a dragon heartstring core. The handle was elegantly carved while the rest of the wand was perfectly smooth.

Gaz looked over it several times before slipping it into her black book bag. By now she had reached the Great Hall.

Owls were flying everywhere, delivering the mail. Gaz walked over to the Slytherin table and sat next to Draco, who had just arrived.

"Excited for your first day?" Draco asked as Gaz sat down.

"Sure," Gaz said with a shrug. She picked at some food on her plate, not really hungry.

A few moments later she felt a tap on her shoulder. Surprised, Gaz turned around to see Dib, concern in his eyes.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"Get out of here, Ravenclaw!" someone cried from further down the table.

"What are you doing here?" Gaz hissed. "Don't you know anything? Go back to your table!"

"I just wanted to make sure you were doing ok!" Dib said, looking hurt.

"I'm doing fine, now go!"

Dib sulked back to his table and sat down next to Luna.

"How did it go?" she asked.

"Terrible, they chased me off."

"Well, duh, they're Slytherins!" Marcus Belby snorted. "It's best if you just stay away from them."

"Then how am I supposed to keep an eye on Gaz?" Dib asked Marcus.

"If she's in Slytherin then she can probably take care of herself, Membrane."

Dib knew this to be true but he didn't want to admit it. Gaz was his little sister and he wanted to make sure she was ok.

Back at the Slytherin table, Draco was questioning Gaz about her brother.

"Is your brother anything like you?" he asked casually.

"Not at all," Gaz answered. "He's a complete nerd and a softie. I honestly know how we can be related."

"So there's no way he could ever be in Slytherin?"

"Pff, no."

"Hmm. Well, I suppose we'd better get going. Wouldn't want to be late to class." Draco smirked. "Not that I really care."

Gaz didn't answer, not really caring, either. She looked at her schedule. They had charms first.

They were just leaving the Great Hall when Zim ran in, looking lost and hungry.

Gaz snorted. "Better hurry, Zim. Breakfast is almost over."

Zim glared at her. "Zim can take all the time he needs, thank you, Gaz human." With that he walked over to the Slytherin table and began eating.

"He's an odd one," Draco commented.

"Definitely, now let's go."

~!#$%^&*(

Dib was heading to the library for lunch. He had eaten quickly and was going to use the extra time to do some studying.

He had been confused at some points during History of Magic and he wanted to know as much as he could.

Dib walked over to the history section and almost ran into a Gryffindor girl.

"Oh, excuse me!" Dib exclaimed.

"Not a problem!" the brown haired girl said happily. "Are you here to do some studying?"

"Uh, yeah," Dib said. "Why?"

"Well, if you're studying for history, I recommend reading _Hogwarts, a History._ It's very informative. There's several copies on the last shelf."

"Ok, thanks," Dib said heading that way. The girl followed him.

"I'm Hermione, by the way. Hermione Granger."

"I'm Dib, Dib Membrane," Dib said, beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. Why was she following him?

"You're in Ravenclaw?" Hermione asked.

"Uh huh," Dib answered, picking up _Hogwarts, a History._

"What's it like?"

"Uh, I imagine it's just like any other Hogwarts house," Dib said.

"I suppose so. Well, I'm off to the Potions section. It was nice to meet you, Dib!"

"Nice to meet you too!" Dib said waving at Hermione as she walked away.

Dib tried to concentrate on the book but he found he couldn't. What was up with this school? It seemed like people actually liked him here! He wasn't the weird kid anymore.

Dib smiled. It felt good to have friends.

~!#$%^&*()

After lunch, Gaz and Draco headed to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Frankly, they were more interested in learning about the dark arts themselves then defending against them.

"I can't wait to learn some curses," Draco said with an evil grin.

Gaz couldn't help but be excited as well. "Yeah, then I'll have more ways to scare people."

"It's not like you're not scary already!"

Gaz and Draco turned to see Zim who had come running up behind them.

Gaz rolled her eyes. "I didn't think that anything scared **you**, Zim."

Zim's eyes narrowed. "You do not scare Zim, but I understand that you easily scare other people."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Gaz said.

"Eh? Zim has no trouble sleeping!"

Draco gave Zim a funny look and turned back to Gaz. "Has he always been this dense?"

"Oooooh Yeah."

"Interesting. He seems even stupider than most of the Muggle borns here. How'd he get into Slytherin?"

"Zim may be stupid, but he can be incredibly mean and cruel. Especially to my brother."

They had just entered the classroom. They found seats next to each other and sat down, waiting for class to start.

"G-good a-after n-n-noon, c-class!"

Zim looked up to see a strange man with a turban on his head walk into the classroom.

"I am P-Professor Q-Quirrel!"

Several students mumbled a greeting but other than that the room was completely silent. Most of the students were jeering at the stuttering professor.

"T-today, we will be l-learning about basic defenses against the dark arts."

"I'm not going to be able to learn anything with this stuttering fool teaching us!" Draco quietly hissed.

Gaz couldn't help but agree. Professor Quirrel's stuttering was really getting on her nerves.

Zim had an idea. He took out his wand and hid it under his desk. A few moments later he quietly murmured a spell.

"_Wingardium Leviosa!"_

One of the professor's books lifted off of the table and floated to the ceiling. Several students noticed and began snickering. Before much longer the entire class had erupted into laughter.

"W-what i-is the m-meaning of th-this?"

Professor Quirrel looked up to where some students were pointing and gasped in shock. He walked underneath the book, trying vainly to get it down. That's when Zim let the book drop.

"Oof!"

The book landed on Quirrel's face and knocked him to the ground. The class's laughter could be heard all the way down the hall.

"You know," Draco began, fighting laughter, "Zim may not be such a bad guy after all."

!~!#$%^&*(

A/N: Sorry it's been awhile since I last updated! My siblings and cousin won't let me get any writing done -_-


	4. He's Normal!

A/N: Yay, I'm back from my vacation! I'll be updating regularly again! ^^

~!#$%^&*(

3rd Person

After DADA everyone was crowding around Zim, congratulating him on a prank well done. Zim looked a little nervous at all of the attention, but played it cool.

"You know, your friend Zim may not be so weird after all," Draco said.

"He's NOT my friend," Gaz said.

Draco just shrugged, not really caring. "Anyway, we have potions now. We'll get a chance to harass some Gryffindors!"

Gaz smirked at the thought. Harassing people was pretty fun.

As the Slytherins made their way down to the dungeons they began to merge with the Gryffindor students. Scathing remarks were hissed toward one another, mini pranks were played and the tension rose.

Gaz was in her element.

She found herself walking next to a slightly chubby boy with brown hair. He looked nervous.

The perfect target!

Gaz opened one eye slightly. "What's your problem?" she asked.

The boy jumped. "W-what?"

"Why are you so nervous?"

"I've heard a lot of bad things about potions class…"

Gaz sneered. "Everything you've heard is true, and we Slytherins will be tormenting you ALL YEAR."

The boy's eyes widened.

"Neville!"

A girl with frizzy brown hair came over and pulled the boy gently away. "Don't listen to her, Neville. Everything will be fine." The girl stuck her tongue out at Gaz and walked away.

"Nice, you're first day and you've already scared someone!" Draco said, trying not to look impressed.

Gaz shrugged. "It's a gift."

"Gaz human!"

Zim came over and tried to hide behind Dib's little sister. "They won't leave me alone!" Zim hissed.

"What now?" Gaz asked, beginning to get annoyed.

"Those, Gryffindors! They keep saying I look funny."

"Hey, look at that kid. He's got green skin!" someone shouted.

"SILENCE, PITIFUL HUMAN! I AM NORMAL!"

Gaz held back snickers while Draco gave Zim a funny look.

"Zim, I'll give you a tip. Deny, deny, deny. Don't admit anything," Gaz said. "That, and be mean to them."

Zim straightened up. "Ok! Zim is good at being mean…" Zim walked off to the Gryffindor kids that had been bugging him before.

"Listen, you, tiny brain head! Zim is completely normal! And any who say otherwise will be punished terribly."

Two of the boys shared a look. The ginger spoke up. "Sure, mate. Whatever you say. We're quaking in fear."

Zim's eyes narrowed. "GIR! Come to your master!"

Gir was by Zim's side in moments. "Hiya, Masta! Whatcha need?"

"Gir, attack these two pitiful humans!"

Gir's eyes glowed red. "Yes, sir!" he launched himself at the two boys, shrieking crazily.

"AHHHH!"

Everyone turned to see what the commotion was. The Slytherins began cracking up. Then, the door to the potions room opened and a black haired man came out. He surveyed the scene before him before reaching out and snatching Gir away from the two boys.

"Whose cat is this?" he asked quietly. Several students shrank back in fear.

Zim, showing no fear, came forward. "That cat belongs to me, the ALMIGHTY ZIM!"

The man raised an eyebrow curiously before handing Gir back to Zim. "Next time, it would be a good idea to restrain it, _Zim._"

Zim nodded.

"Now, everyone in!"

The students shuffled into the dank classroom without question. The man came in after them and shut the door.

~!#$%^&*()

Dib sat in Transfiguration, desperately trying to turn his feather into a piece of parchment. Luna sat beside him, her feather half Transfigured.

"Oh dear. I don't think that's quite right," Luna said, looking at the oddly shaped piece of parchment in her hand.

"Hey, at least you got that far!" Dib said, waving his wand a little chaotically. "I can't get it to do anything!"

"Well, all it takes is a little practice!" Luna said. "Keep trying."

Dib waved his yew wand once more. Surprisingly, the feather began to shift.

"I think I got it!" Dib said excitedly.

Dib and Luna watched as Dib's feather turned into a piece of parchment. The only slight problem was that the edges of the parchment were fringed. Other than that, it looked great.

"Better than mine," Luna said, gesturing to her feather shaped parchment.

The bell rang, signaling the end of class. Dib and Luna began to gather their things.

"What now?" Luna asked. "I mean, now that we're free for the rest of the day."

"Well, I'd like to go to the library and get my homework done," Dib said, throwing his bag over his shoulder.

"That sounds nice, but I have to go look for some Nargles," Luna said.

"Nargles?" Dib asked, confused.

"They're creatures that infest mistletoe," Luna explained.

Dib gave his strange friend a blank look. "But… It's only August…"

"That's why I have to look for them now," Luna said. "So that they can't infest the mistletoe during December."

Dib gave Luna a small smile. "I guess that makes sense."

Luna returned the smile and left the classroom. Dib finished packing up his things and headed to the library. But before he could get there, he was suddenly shoved into the wall. Someone grabbed his things and threw them all around the hallway.

"Hello, Dib!"

Dib looked into Zim's contacted eyes. "_Zim!_" he hissed angrily. Then he noticed that Zim wasn't alone. Several Slytherins were standing behind him, including Gaz.

"Gaz?" Dib gasped.

Gaz smirked at her brother. "Hey."

A blonde headed boy turned to Gaz. "Why is it that you're so cool and you're brother is a complete loser?" he asked.

Gaz just shrugged.

"Enough chatter!" Zim said, turning back to Dib. The Irken curled his hand into a fist, drew his arm back and slugged Dib in the gut.

Dib cried in pain and dropped to the floor. Hands came down and held him up. Zim punched his nemesis again. Zim was pulling his arm back for a third strike when…

"STOP IT!"

Dib fell to the floor and quickly scooted away from the Slytherins.

"Oh, hello, _mudblood._" The blonde boy sneered. Several others laughed.

Dib managed to stand and saw Hermione, wand out and at the ready.

"DON'T call me that," she said, doing her best to hide her pain at being called such a nasty name.

"Or what?" Draco said, stepping forward. "If you haven't noticed, muggle, you're outnumbered."

The rest of the Slytherins crowded around Draco, who sneered. "It's just you and big-headed boy over there."

"My head's not big!" Dib said angrily.

"They aren't alone!"

Two boys came running down the hallway, wands out.

"Well, if it isn't Potter and Weasley!" Draco said. "I'm so scared!"

More snickering came from the Slytherins.

"You'd better be!" Ron exclaimed, wand pointed at Draco. By now, everyone had their wands out. Just as it seemed like there was going to be a full blown battle, professor McGonagall came down the hall.

"What on Earth is going on here?" she gasped.

Wands were put away instantly. "Oh, nothing professor, nothing at all," Draco said, looking innocent. "Just some friendly competition."

The professor wasn't fooled, but seeing as nothing had really happened she didn't pursue the matter. "Well, run along then. I'm sure you all have better things to do."

Draco snorted. "Fine. Come along, everyone. Let's go." Draco spun around and led his gang away.

"You four as well," McGonagall said, shooing them.

Harry, Ron and Hermione helped Dib pick up his things and they headed toward the library.

"Hey, thanks for helping me," Dib said, mostly to Hermione.

"Not a problem," Hermione said. "Those lousy Slytherins, always picking on somebody."

"Stupid Malfoy," Ron said angrily. "He's a lunatic, mark my words."

"Oh, Dib, allow me to introduce you. This is Ron and Harry."

"Nice to meet you," Dib said, shaking the boys' hands.

"Same to you," Harry said.

Once again, Dib had the warm feeling of friendship. He was happy that people actually wanted to be around him here. Here, he wasn't the weird kid. Heck, they were all weird!

"You know," Hermione began thoughtfully, "That one boy, the one who was punching you? He didn't seem normal."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Ron said. "His skin was green."

"And he had no ears or nose!" Harry exclaimed.

Dib felt his eyes widen. Was there a chance that they'd believe that Zim was an alien? He decided to risk it.

"Well, he IS different!" Dib exclaimed.

"Really?" Hermione asked, curious.

"Yeah, he lives in the same town as me."

"So, how exactly is he different?" Harry asked.

Dib swallowed. "Well…" He sighed. "Never mind. You'll think I'm crazy."

"You're in Ravenclaw, mate," Ron said. "You probably know what you're talking about." Harry and Hermione nodded in agreement.

"Well, alright. The thing is, Zim isn't human. He's an alien."

Silence. Ron raised one eyebrow in disbelief.

"Well, I for one, believe him."

Dib's eyes widened at Hermione's words. "You, you believe me?" he gasped.

Hermione nodded.

"You know, I think I do too!" Harry said thoughtfully. "I mean, while I've been here I've seen ghosts, goblins, moving pictures… Aliens don't seem unlikely!"

Dib could have passed out from sheer happiness. They believed him! Or at least, Hermione and Harry did. Luna did too, but she believed in a lot of strange things, so…

Ron looked at his two companions. "Have you gone mad?" he asked. "Aliens don't exist!"

"Well, a lot of the things we've seen in the past few days we believed to be non-existent," Hermione said. "It's just harder for you to believe because you're used to this life. Harry and I, on the other hand, are not."

Ron considered this. "Well, I suppose it's possible. But I'm not going to agree with you just yet. I need some proof."

"Fair enough," Dib said. "As soon as I get some solid evidence, I'll show it to you."

"Have you ever gotten solid evidence?" Harry asked.

"Oh yeah, loads of times!" Dib exclaimed. "But Zim always manages to destroy it."

"So, you and him are enemies?" Hermione asked.

"Uh huh."

"And he's with Malfoy…" Harry murmured.

"I'd say we have a common enemy," Ron said.

~!#$%^&*(

A/N: I didn't like the ending of this chapter . Oh well. Poor Dibbers, I only torture him to show that yes, there is still rivalry between Zim and him. Hogwarts hasn't changed anything. Also to express my dislike towards ZADR. Don't ever get the idea that I'll write anything ZADR related in this series, even when the romance starts.


	5. Finding Shoes

3rd Person

Over the next several weeks all of the first years got accustomed to Hogwarts. Dib continued to spend time with Luna and he got to know Hermione, Harry and Ron better. Zim and Gaz became friends with Draco, Blaise and the rest of the Slytherin first years.

Dib and Gaz hadn't spoken much to each other since Zim had beat Dib up, only a few things here and there. This was causing Dib all kinds of worry and stress. He didn't want Gaz to end up like all of the other Slytherins, and he hated it that she was constantly around Zim. It was like a nightmare come true.

"Earth to Dib!" Ron said, waving his hand in front of Dib's face.

Dib shook his head, trying to remove all the depressing thoughts.

"You ok?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind," Dib said.

"Such as?" Hermione asked.

Dib hesitated. They were in the library, studying for an upcoming history test. He didn't want his friends concerned about him when they were trying to study.

"It's nothing," he said, hoping they would leave it at that.

At that very moment, Gaz, Draco, Zim and a handful of other Slytherins walked into the library. Ron narrowed his eyes.

"What are Slytherins doing in the library? Normally they wouldn't be caught dead in this place."

That was what Dib had been wondering. His eyes stayed on his sister, willing her to come and say something to him. Anything!

But Gaz ignored him, as usual.

It turns out that the Slytherins were just looking for an opening to steal somebody's things. Draco spotted an unattended book bag, snatched it up and began to walk out of the library with his cohorts, snickering the entire time.

"Hey!" Hermione yelled, standing up. "Those aren't yours!"

Now everybody was looking at the retreating Slytherins, wondering what they were up to.

Draco stopped and glared at Hermione. He threw the bag down on the floor and spun back around, leaving. His friends followed in a similar manner. Zim paused for a moment to stick his overly large tongue out at Dib before following his fellow Slytherins.

"That's an interesting tongue he has," Harry commented after Zim had left. "No normal tongue is that long." He cast a glance at Ron, who still wasn't sure that he believed that Zim was an alien. Ron rolled his eyes.

"Some people just have unnaturally long tongues," he said simply.

Dib had just accepted the fact that Ron refused to believe that Zim was an alien. He'd give him solid proof someday.

"Well, let's keep studying," Harry said, ignoring his friend's comment.

"Wait, not until Dib tells us what's bothering him, otherwise he'll never learn anything!" Hermione said.

Dib groaned inwardly. He had hoped that the Slytherins had caused a big enough distraction that his friend's had forgotten this conversation.

"I already told you, it's not a big deal!" Dib said, hoping they'd drop it.

Unfortunately for him, Hermione would not.

"Dib, you're never going to be able to study while something else in on your mind," Hermione insisted. "We're your friends, you can tell us anything!"

Harry and Ron nodded in agreement. Dib realized that he'd never be able to convince them to let it go. He sighed. "I've just been worried about my sister."

"Oh yeah, she's in Slytherin, isn't she?" Ron asked.

Dib nodded. "She hardly talks to me anymore, and I'm worried that the other Slytherins will influence her."

"Well, you know, mate, she was sorted into Slytherin for a reason," Ron said.

Dib grimaced. "Yeah, I know. But I still worry, _especially_ since she's always around Zim."

"Try not to worry too much," Hermione instructed. "From what you've told us about your sister, she's a very capable girl."

As a matter of fact, Gaz was proving just how capable she really was at that very moment. After Draco's attempted prank had failed, the Slytherin first years went outside and sat under "their" tree. Gaz wasn't in the best of moods, and Zim was getting on her nerves.

"Zim, would mind shutting your mouth for once?" she said, glaring at him.

Zim glared back at Gaz. "Zim does what he wishes, filthy human."

Gaz cracked her knuckles. She had been hoping Zim would argue with her, this would be fun!

Several Slytherins "ooohed" as Gaz stood, and they all backed up, leaving Zim and Gaz facing each other.

"You want to call me that again, _Zim_?" Gaz hissed, rolling up her sleeves.

Zim stood as well, eyes narrowed. "Filthy. Human."

Gaz leapt forward and tackled Zim. They tussled on the ground for a few moments before they both stood, wands out.

The only problem was, they didn't really know any spells that would affect the other very much.

"Well…" Zim said, still facing Gaz. "This is a bit… awkward."

Gaz smirked and put away her wand. Zim kept his out for a moment longer before he too put his wand away.

"Just shut up when I ask you to next time, ok?" Gaz said.

Zim rolled his eyes. "We'll see, Gaz-human."

~!#$%^&*

Dib was walking back to the Ravenclaw common room when he passed Luna, who was barefoot.

"Luna?" Dib asked, looking at her curiously. "What happened to your shoes?"

"Oh, hello, Dib," Luna said. "Someone must have taken them, because I can't find them anywhere. Would you mind helping me put up these posters asking them to be returned?" She held up a poster that had a picture of her shoes on them and asking for their return.

"Uh, sure!" he said, taking several posters from Luna.

"Thanks," she said. "You should hang some on the third floor, just don't go near the corridor on the right side."

"Yeah," Dib said, remembering what Dumbledore had said about a "most painful death" at the beginning of the year feast. "I'm not crazy enough to go there!" With those words, Dib headed up the moving staircases to the third floor.

~!#$%^&*

A/N: This chapter was a little shorter than the others, but oh well. Hopefully I'll have the next one up soon!


	6. Trolls

A/N: Just fyi… I don't plan on any romance until like, 4th year. Which is, the 4th story of Paranormal Magic. :P We'll get there eventually…

~!#$%^&

3rd Person

Dib was just about to place a poster on the wall when he heard screaming.

"What the?" he asked, looking around.

A few moments later, Harry, Ron and Hermione came barreling out of the door that connected the third floor with the corridor on the right.

Dib dropped the posters and ran over to his friends. "What happened?" he demanded.

"We'll explain after we get away from here," Hermione said, looking around. "We don't want anyone to know we were in there!"

She quickly led everyone to the hallway outside the Gryffindor common room.

"Dib, what we saw in there was a three headed dog."

"A three headed dog?" Dib asked, confused.

"Yeah, and it tried to eat us!" Ron exclaimed.

"Why would they keep something like that inside the school?" Harry asked.

"Didn't you see what it was standing on?" Hermione asked.

Ron and Harry shook their heads.

"It looked like it was standing on some sort of trap door."

"So?" Ron asked.

"So, that means it's probably guarding something!"

"But what would it be guarding?" Dib asked.

"I might know," Harry said. "The day Hagrid took me to Gringotts, he took something out of vault. He said it was Hogwarts business."

"So, maybe whatever he took out is what's being guarded," Dib said.

"Exactly!" Hermione said excitedly. "Well, it's getting late, we should be back in our common rooms."

The friends departed and went to their common rooms, everyone wondering what the three headed dog could be guarding.

~!#$%^

The following day was Halloween.

The students were having a hard time paying attention in their classes, for they were all looking forward to the feast later that night.

During lunch, Ron was busy listing all the candy he was planning on eating. Luna and Dib were discussing werewolves. Zim, Gaz and Draco were discussing all the different ways to scare people.

"Please, your pathetic human costumes will never work!" Zim said. "I need some of my more advanced technology. Such as… Uh… LASERS!"

"Lasers?" Draco asked.

"Yes… Lasers! Lasers to blind the pathetic Hufflepuffs! MUAHAHAHA!"

People began to stare at Zim as he laughed evilly. Zim noticed.

"Eh? I mean… I love Halloween!"

Several students gave him strange looks but otherwise went back to their food.

Zim growled as he turned back to his food. "I _hate_ Halloween! All the children turn into candy zombies! Pathetic Earth holiday!"

"You know, Zim," Draco said quietly. "If you're not careful, somebody may actually believe Dib that you're an alien. Kids around here are much quicker to believe things than muggles.

You see, Zim now trusted Draco enough that he had actually told him that he was an alien. Of course, it hadn't helped that Gaz had called him that in the middle of their conversation.

Zim narrowed his eyes. "I had assumed all humans were as stupid as the ones you call "muggles."

Draco laughed. "Here in the wizard world, most are not nearly as stupid. We pure bloods know many things are possible. As do most half-bloods."

Zim considered this. He supposed it made sense, since muggles didn't think magic was real, yet it was.

"Hello? Can we get back to planning, please?" Gaz asked, sounding annoyed.

"Certainly," Draco said, turning to her. "I still think dressing up as death eaters is a good idea."

"I don't think it'll work," Gaz said. "We're too short."

Draco frowned. "True. I suppose we AREN'T tall enough to look like actual death eaters."

"So… What do we do?" Zim asked. "I still say lasers are the best option."

"Zim… WE DON'T HAVE ANY LASERS HERE!" Gaz said angrily. "Come up with something else!"

"Unfortunately, we don't have the luxury of time to come up with something else," Draco said, rolling his eyes. "It's time to go back to class."

"Well, at least we'll be able to terrorize some Gryffindors," Gaz said.

"Yes," Zim hissed. "That should be neat."

Draco smirked at his odd alien friend and left the table.

Dib had noticed the three Slytherins snickering amongst each other and wondered what they were up to. As he left the Great Hall, he caught up to Harry and Ron.

"Hey, I think the Slytherins are up to something," Dib said, casting a suspicious glance towards Zim. Keep an eye on them, will ya?"

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," Harry said. "Just their regular pranks and bullying."

"Wait a second…," Dib said, glancing around. "Where's Hermione?"

"Oh, uh, Ron may have made her upset…" Harry said awkwardly.

"Good job, Ron," Dib said sarcastically.

~!#$%^&*

"I still can't believe we didn't think of anything," Draco said grumpily.

The feast had started and everyone was stuffing their faces full of delicious food.

"Shut up and eat," Gaz said, eating more candy.

"Zim still thinks that lasers were a good idea," Zim mumbled.

Gaz was just about to yell at Zim again for the whole lasers thing when Professor Quirrel burst into the Great Hall in a panic.

"Troll! Troll in the dungeons!"

Everyone went silent in shock and disbelief.

"Just thought you'd want to know…" After saying that last sentence, Quirrel fainted.

The Great Hall was silent for a moment longer before the students began to panic.

"SILENCE!" Dumbledore commanded. Everyone went silent again. "Prefects, please escort your houses back to your common rooms."

The prefects did as they were told and began herding the different houses back to their common rooms.

"I wish WE had thought of that," Zim said.

Gaz rolled her eyes. "And how exactly would you get a troll into Hogwarts, Zim?"

Zim blinked several times and didn't answer.

"That's what I thought," Gaz said with a sneer.

~!#$%^&

A/N: Ugh… I really need to re-read the Harry Potter books. The movies aren't a spectacular reference for this story. -_-


	7. Lollipop of Doom

A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated this story in forever! I've been so busy and this is kinda low on my list of priorities… Anyhow… expect all updates to be on the weekends from here on out!

~!#$%

3rd Person

Dib, Harry and Ron raced toward the bathrooms, calling Hermione's name the whole way. They stopped suddenly when they heard stomping coming from somewhere close. Before much longer, the troll came into view.

"Guys, I don't think the troll's in the dungeon anymore…" Dib squeaked.

The troll went right into the girl's bathroom, and a scream came from within.

"That's Hermione!" Ron cried. The trio raced into the bathroom after the troll.

Hermione had backed into a stall, and the troll had promptly smashed it to bits. Now she was hiding under a sink.

"We're coming, Hermione!" Harry called.

"Uh, what are we going to do, exactly?" Dib asked.

Dib's question went unanswered as the troll turned to face them. The three boys pulled their wands out, but they had no clue what to do.

"Scatter!" Ron shouted.

They got out of the way just as the troll smashed his club down where they had been standing. This confused the troll, as trolls are not all that smart to start with.

As the troll pulled his club back behind again, still wondering where everyone went, Harry jumped onto the club, lacking a better idea.

The troll noticed immediately. He brought his club back around and examined Harry clinging onto it for dear life. The troll began shaking the club while Dib and Ron watched helplessly.

"Do something!" Harry shouted.

"Uh… ok!" Ron said.

At that moment, Harry was thrown from the club. The troll was just about to smash Harry when…

"_Wingardium Leviosa!"_

The troll's club was snatched from his hand and he was instantly confused again. The big brute looked up to see his club hovering in the air above him, courtesy of Ron.

"Now drop it!" Dib said.

Ron did so, causing the club to fall on top of the troll's head. The troll stumbled around for a few moments before collapsing to the ground, unconscious.

Hermione cautiously emerged from her hiding place under the sink. "You saved me!" she exclaimed.

Just then, Professors McGonagall, Quirrel and Snape rushed into the room. McGonagall gasped when she saw the troll on the floor.

"Just what happened in here?" she demanded.

After much hesitant explaining, the four kids were released back to their common rooms. But as they were walking back, Harry quietly mentioned something.

"Snape hurt his leg," he whispered.

"So?" Dib asked.

"So, maybe he let the troll into the castle and tried to steal whatever that dog is guarding!" Harry exclaimed.

Dib and the others considered this.

"It's possible…" Hermione said.

"We need to look into this further," Dib said. "We need some solid proof."

"Says the kid who can't provide us with proof that Zim is actually an alien," Ron said sarcastically.

Dib ignored Ron. "We need to figure out exactly what that dog is guarding."

"Well, we should ask Hagrid then," Harry said. "I'm sure he knows!"

"Ok, we'll ask him tomorrow," Dib agreed.

~!#$

"I wonder if they've gotten rid of the troll yet," Gaz said casually as she half worked on her homework.

Zim shrugged.

"I really wished we could've caused some sort of disruption," Draco said.

Gaz half expected Zim to go on about lasers again, but he kept his mouth shut.

The common room was pretty quiet, most of the Slytherins were either working on homework or had gone to bed.

"AH! AH IT BURNS!"

Zim was now up and running around the room with a lollipop attached to his tongue. Gir started laughing.

Draco watched Zim curiously, not bothering to help. Gaz did pretty much the same, except that she enjoyed watching his pain.

"IT BURNS, IT BURNS!" Zim shouted, still running in circles. By now, everyone was watching him.

Gaz rolled her eyes and stood up from her chair. Zim didn't need to attract any more attention to himself.

The next time he came around, Gaz stuck out her foot and tripped him, sending the alien tumbling across the floor. He came to a stop on his face. The watching Slytherins laughed and went back to their homework.

_Good_, Gaz thought. _Problem averted._

She stalked over to Zim, who was still whimpering and trying to get the lollipop off of his now sizzling tongue.

Gaz kicked him onto his back, reached down, and yanked the lollipop off. Zim shrieked once more and then went silent.

"Are you ever going to learn to avoid human food?" Gaz hissed.

Zim didn't answer, most likely because his tongue was damaged.

"Lady? Can I has the candy?" Gir cried, running up to Gaz.

Gaz glared at Gir but handed it to the robot anyway. She certainly had no use for the stupid thing.

"THANK YOU LADY!" Gir shrieked. He rushed forward and hugged Gaz's leg.

Gaz did not approve.

Gir barely had the chance to touch her before he was flung off and into the wall, screeching in delight the entire time.

"I'm going to bed," Gaz said, gathering up her half-finished homework. She'd just finish it up in the morning.

"Had enough of the crazy cat?" Draco asked, laughing.

"You think?" Gaz said sarcastically as she disappeared into her room.

"Ngh…" Zim mumbled as he sat up, holding his tongue.

"Are you allergic to all human food?" Draco asked, careful to make sure no one else heard.

Zim shook his head as he thought of waffles. Those seemed to be one of the only foods that didn't harm him. He attempted to speak. "Doh, but jusd aboud all ob dem."

Draco snickered at Zim's new temporary speech impediment. Zim shot him a glare.

"I am goig do bed ab well," Zim said, snatching up Gir.

Draco watched as Zim went upstairs in a huff, and shook his head in amusement.

"Wait until my father hears about this."

~!#$%^

A/N: And Draco's father WILL hear about this. He hears about everything :P


	8. Speech Impediment

A/N: I'm sorry for the long wait guys! My laptop crashed and I had to order a new one. I'll try to be more consistent with my updates from here on out.

~!#

The next day Zim's tongue was still as numb as it had been the night before. Even though Irkens healed incredibly fast, a lot of damage had been done and it would take the rest of the day to heal. Unfortunately for him, no one would take him seriously with a speech impediment.

"Dupid fildy humad food!" Zim hissed, inspecting his tongue. There were still burn marks all over it. Then again, why _had_ he decided to eat the lollipop anyway? It had been stupid of him to think that it wouldn't hurt him. Zim sighed and gathered his things. He'd just do his best not to talk at all today.

Zim headed down to the common room and began to make his way to the door. But before he could escape to the Great Hall, Gaz stood in his way, glaring.

"Moob, Gad humad!" Zim growled. "You are id Dim's way!"

Gaz snickered at Zim's garbled speech. "Lollipop burn your tongue pretty bad?"

Zim gave her an evil look.

"Anyway, I was just going to remind you to stay away from any food you think might harm you, since you're obviously not smart enough to figure that out on your own." With that, Gaz spun and headed out the door, headed to the Great Hall as well. She didn't bother to hold the door open for Zim, either.

"Hiya, master! Got anymore candy?"

Zim turned to see Gir in his cat suit, looking up at him hopefully.

"Do, Gir. I hab do more cady. Go away."

Gir sniffled for a few moments before cheering up and bouncing off. Zim rolled his eyes and made his way to the door once again. He was suddenly aware of a presence next to him and he turned to see Draco.

"Well, good morning, Zim. Your tongue feeling any better?"

Zim shook his head, rather than speak.

"Still have a speech impediment?"

Zim nodded.

Draco smirked. Even if Zim was his friend, he wasn't above taking full advantage of the alien's ailment. Today was going to be very interesting…

"Shall we go grab some breakfast?" Draco asked, opening the door.

Zim nodded, but didn't really care. He just wanted to leave the common room before anybody else stopped him. The two boys headed through the dungeons and emerged into the Great Hall, where Zim ran into yet another problem.

"Hello, space boy."

Zim growled as Dib came up to him, a sneer on his face. "Gaz told me that you had a little problem with candy last night. Care to elaborate?"

Zim shook his head angrily, silently cursing Gaz for mentioning his condition to her brother. She had probably done it to make his life more miserable and to provide her with entertainment. Sure enough, when he looked over to the Slytherin table, Gaz was sitting there, watching them and smirking.

"Go away Dib humad," Zim said, frustrated that he didn't sound normal. He tried to stick to words he knew he could say without sounding stupid. "You are addoying Dim."

Dib had started cracking up at Zim's speech impediment and was now doubled over, laughing. "Oh, this is awesome! How humiliating! Poor little Zim, unable to even speak right!"

Zim resisted the urge to tackle Dib, knowing that that'd just make things worse. Instead, he stuck his injured tongue out and walked past his enemy to the Slitherin table. Draco followed, doing his best not to laugh. Gaz, however, was snickering freely, enjoying Zim's embarrassment.

"You," Zim hissed at Gaz. "You dold Dib dat I hab been dalking funny!"

"So?" Gaz asked, leering at the alien. "What are you going to do about it?"

Zim took a breath, prepared to say something, but wound up not saying anything at all. His threats would all be empty because truthfully, he was afraid of Gaz. She was terrifying, she was good at fighting and she was incredibly smart. She'd probably figured out a thousand different ways to kill him with her tights by now.

Gaz smirked and opened one eye a smidge. "That's what I thought."

Zim said nothing and opted to glare at the food on the table.

"So, did you ever finish your homework?" Draco asked Gaz in an attempt to strike up a conversation.

"Pff, no," Gaz said, eating a piece of toast. "I'll do it in class. Not like I really care about unfinished homework though. The teachers know by now not to mess with me."

"Isn't that just the best feeling ever?" Draco asked. "Knowing that the teachers stay off your back because something about you scares them?"

Gaz nodded.

"Of course, all I have to do is mention my father," Draco continued on, "Nobody messes with him."

Zim snorted, not believing that a simple human could possess the same ability to strike fear into a heart as an Irken could.

"You have something you want to say, _Zim?_" Draco asked angrily. Then again, he also knew that Zim wouldn't say anything because it would only embarrass him.

Zim shook his head, as expected. It was obvious that the alien was doing his best to say as little as possible.

"Zim, how do you expect to get through classes today without saying a word?"

Zim's eyes widened. He had no idea. He certainly didn't want any filthy humans looking at his tongue, they might realize that he was an alien! Now he was starting to panic. If he was discovered…

"Zim, chill, we won't let anyone find out you're an alien," Gaz said, rolling her eyes. "We'll make up something to keep you from making a fool of yourself."

"Dank you, Gad humad," Zim said, sounding relieved.

"Don't mention it, _ever_," Gaz threatened. "I mean it. Unless you want me to plunge you into a nightmare realm from which there is no waking, of course."

"Dim will dever medion it," Zim said solemnly.

"Good."

~!#$%^&*

A/N: *cough cough* filler chapter *cough cough* I just needed something silly to write, since the other stories I'm writing are all so serious. Next chapter will have a lot more things happening!


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